West Midlands Police were inundated today when up to thirty thousand vila fans turned themselves in for invading the pitch during Mondays’ derby clash with Birmingham City.

This occured shortly after the Vile’s management team announced that any fan who had invaded the pitch during their home defeat against Birmingham City will be banned for life. Within hours of the announcement large queues began to form at police stations in Aston, Erdington, Great Barr and Sutton Coldfield reports suggested that telephone switchboards were being jammed, as fans who were not even in the country phoned their connfessions to astounded police officers.Major incidents were reported when riots broke out as several desperate fans rushed to the front of the queues. Internal police inquires were quickly launched, as accusations flew, that officers had been bribed by fans deperate to get their names onto the lists.

Precious fire resources were diverted to many police stations as desperate fans chained themselves to railings and needed to be cut free. Chaos ensued as up to fifteen fans chained themselves to a police officers’ bicycle, after he had stopped to tell someone the time. Several passers-by whitnessed the shocking sight of grown men weeping and begging, as they desperately pleaded to be put onto the list.

The police have called for public calm and assured the fans that all cases will be carefully investigated and the bans will be issued entirely on merit, with no preferential treatment for anyone. Chief Inspector Gusset of the Aston Constabulary in a short public announcement said, “I can assure the public that this will not be handled on a first come, first serverd basis, and there is no need to panic.”

The latest report suggests that calm has been restored and refreshments are being handed out by compassionate salvation army volunteers, to the many fans who are desperate to keep their place in the queues, they are willing to camp out overnight.

One fan was quoted as saying “This is a once in a lifetime chance and I’m determined not to miss out”.

Well, it was always going to be a massive match – and explosive it certainly was! I’ve just watched Blues v Villa on Fox Sports World and I have to ask – what on earth was Dion Dublin thinking of by headbutting Robbie Savage right in front of the ref?

Anyway – despite all of the hype, Birmingham were by far the better, side throughout. Clinton Morrison was unlucky not to have us one up after 20 minutes when he just headed wide. 5 minutes into the second half and Dion Dublin launched a very late tackle on Robbie Savage. It was an obvious yellow, but Dion lost it completly (see photo) and proceeded to headbutt Savage. That cost them the game.
Stan caught the end of a Jeff Kenna cross to put us 1-0 fifteen minutes from the end. Then 5 minutes later the very clumsy Peter Enckleman does his usual vile magic, is clumsy with the ball and gives the ball to Horsfield to make to make it 2-0 to Birmingham!! Villa then continued to self-destruct and a few minutes later Gudjonsson was sent off for a second bookable offence and the shambolic Vile were left with 9 men!
Thanks Villa – we waited 16 years to play you, and you gave us 6 points this season. THANK YOU!
Here are some match reports:
Birmingham beat Villa 2-0 (Reuters)

Blues win fierce derby (BBC Sport)

Villa self destruct (ESPN Soccernet)

Blues joy after Villa nightmare (IC Birmingham)

Dublin’s actions were a disgrace (Real Audio – BBC Sport)

BBC Sport photo Gallery

Oh yeah, and here’s a very funny pre-match interview with Graham Taylor titled “We won’t let fans down” – if you didn’t let yourselves down tonight Vile, I don’t know who did!
Whilst I’m writing – here’s another chance for you to see that Enckleman clanger from last September – click here.
KRO!
SOTV!